DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife can’t have sex with me and my frustration is becoming unbearable.
We’re both in our fifties and have been happily married for 20 years.
Our sex life has always been difficult due to my wife having endometriosis.
Her condition means that sometimes sex is painful during and after the act.
Sometimes the agony has been so horrendous that she hasn’t been able to get out of bed for a few days.
I hated this because I always felt guilty after sex.
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I felt like I was hurting my wife rather than showing her how much I loved her.
In the end our sex life fizzled out.
I’m beginning to find that masturbation is no longer working for me.
I’m craving intimacy and passion.
I don’t want to speak to my wife about it because she’ll feel insecure and feel pressured to sleep with me but I’m so frustrated that I have even considered hiring an escort.
The only reason I haven’t is because I don’t want to catch an STI but
I’ve considered asking them to do a test before we have sex so I can make sure I don’t catch anything.
I don’t think it would be cheating because I’m only doing it to release my frustration.
What can I do to help stop this feeling?
DEIDRE SAYS:Hiring an escort is not the answer to this issue.
You need to talk to your wife and explain how you’re feeling.
You may even find that she misses the same things you do.
There are options to make sex less painful such as using lubricants and even, on occasion, vaginal dilators.
However, if it continues to be a problem your wife can be referred to a specialist who can then see if there are any surgical procedures that could help.
She may find that certain positions are more comfortable than others.
For example, if your wife is on top then she can control the depth and speed of penetration.
Sex isn’t all about intercourse – there are activities you can do to feel close to your wife such as oral sex, massage, foreplay and using sex toys to bring you closer together.
