DEAR DEIDRE: My escort neighbour makes me lose my head and I know I’m playing Russian Roulette whenever I have sex with her.
I’m 31 and she’s 40. When we’re together, I want her so much I can’t keep my hands off her and end up having unprotected sex.
When we first met, I had planned to use a condom, but I got so lost in the moment that we ended up having sex without one.
It didn’t matter though, because it was the most amazing experience. Now, I pay to see her at least once a week and I look forward to it every time. I can’t stay away.
The only problem is, we are still not having safe sex. I can’t control myself – the sex gives me such an adrenaline rush and the thrill of it keeps pulling me back. She seems to enjoy it just as much as I do. I don’t want anything to change that.
I know what I am doing is risky, but nothing bad has happened, so it doesn’t feel so bad.
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The fear of what could happen fades away every time I see her.
I think part of me is addicted to the danger and the excitement of doing something so reckless. I also love the feeling of being wanted by someone older and more experienced.
I’m torn between the incredible sex we have and the fear of the consequences. I just can’t stop myself. I’m not even sure if I want to.
DEIDRE SAYS: You are in complete denial. You are aware of the dangers of having unprotected sex but have convinced yourself STIs happen to other people.
Not all STIs flare up straight away – while the incubation period for some infections is days, others can be weeks, months and even years.
There were over 390,000 diagnosed cases of STIs in the UK in 2022.
Having unprotected sex hugely increases your chances of being included in that club, and having unprotected sex with a sex worker even more still.
Please get yourself tested – this is crucial for your health and that of any other sexual partners you might have.
Don’t kid yourself – your encounters are business transactions for your neighbour. Ultimately, you only know her on a sexual level.
If you are looking for casual sex, make sure it is safe, it’s simply not risking your health or the health of others.
My support packs Sexual Health Worries and Addicted To Sex may help you break this destructive cycle.
