With the number of employed parents growing, the pressures they’re under are increasing, too – but there are ways to lighten the load.
Catherine Oliver, author of Working Parents-to-be, gets you clued up about your rights…
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As parents and employees, we all tend to have similar worries.
I work with mums and dads every day, and concerns about progressing in a job, how to approach difficult conversations with an employer, and feelings of guilt or a drop in confidence are probably the three most talked-about topics.
With the number of employed parents – and working mothers, in particular – increasing, these challenges are affecting more people.
In fact, more than 75% of mums in the UK were employed in 2021, up from 66% in 2002, according to the Office for National Statistics.
More often now, both parents work full-time, while more than half of working lone parents are in a full-time job.
The ways families operate are changing, and both government and employers are recognising the need for change and to provide more support.
Here’s how to get up to speed with what help is available, so you can cope with being both a worker and a parent.
New parents
About to become a parent for the first time in the near future? There are five key pay options from the government.
Statutory Maternity Pay and Statutory Paternity Pay are the two main types.
There is also Maternity Allowance for the self-employed (the amount you receive depends on factors such as whether you’ve made enough NI contributions), and Statutory Adoption Pay, which may apply if you were employed for 26 weeks prior to the date you were matched with the child.
There is Statutory Shared Parental Pay, which can benefit couples opting to take Shared Parental Leave.
You can potentially share up to 50 weeks off, either at the same time (a maximum of 25 weeks) or in separate blocks.
Couples can share up to 37 weeks of government pay between them and it’s important to check if employers offer enhanced pay on top.
Keeping In Touch days are optional – up to 10 days paid – and are usually used towards the end of parental leave as a way for parents to reconnect with the business and colleagues.
What’s less well-known is that you accrue annual leave while you’re on parental leave – and this can add up to a lot – but it can only be used before or after your mat leave.
My top tip is to consider using both of these to help you “ramp down” before you go on leave and/or “ramp up” as you return.
Returning to work
Some employers run sessions to help make the return to your job easier. I’ve seen people gain more confidence from these, and feel equipped to deal with the challenges ahead.
If you’ve had a longer career break, it can be daunting, so look out for “returner” initiatives, designed to help get people back into work with a mini-induction.
Consider the skills you have developed since becoming a parent that are beneficial to work. Are you more focused? More empathetic? Have a better perspective? It’s probably all three.
Flexible working
If you’re looking for more adaptable working hours to fit around your family’s lives, there is a growing onus on employers to make it work.
It’s now a “day one” right for employees to request a flexible working arrangement (you used to have to be employed for 26 weeks before you could apply for this).
You can ask at any time, though officially only twice in 12 months. The trap a lot of people fall into is starting by submitting paperwork to HR, which sets an official timeline to reach a decision.
It’s far better to use this as a formality once you’ve had an informal chat with your manager and agreed a new arrangement in principle.
Spend time thinking about what you want, why, what problems might arise and the solutions. If you can’t reach an agreement, ask for a trial.
Nursery and school
You’re likely to run into childcare problems at some point. All employees (not just parents) are entitled to emergency time off involving someone who depends on them for care.
In my experience it usually is paid, especially if it’s a one-off, but it depends on your employer.
For example, say you get a call from the nursery to say your child is sick, you can use emergency leave to look after them for a day or two while you come up with a plan for the time they’ll need to be at home.
Starting school brings more challenges because of the shorter hours and the holidays. Anecdotally, I find parents, especially mothers, often feel like their only option is to look for jobs that fit around their families.
But many couples find planning the week ahead and figuring out who can be flexible on which day if something goes wrong helps take off some of that “mental load” – so you don’t always need to be the one to drop everything for your child.
It can also help to have a list of people you can call on if you need to, so don’t be afraid to ask for and accept support.
If you’re not coping…
Being a working parent, especially a new or solo one, can feel overwhelming. There is growing acknowledgement of the “midlife collision”, too, a term coined by Dr Lucy Ryan.
It describes the time when women find themselves with children, elder-care responsibilities and battling menopause.
If you feel like you are not coping, try not to make any snap decisions, and instead talk to your partner, friends and manager.
They might have been unaware that a weekly deadline, for example, is tipping you over the edge.
Small changes can make a difference, such as changing a meeting time or asking a friend to share the school run with you.
Building in transition time
A common daily pressure for mums and dads is that they are late to work due to problems at school drop-off, or late to pick-up because a meeting has overrun.
Building in some “transition time” can relieve this pressure. Try to take 30 minutes at the beginning and end of your day to get prepared and create a buffer, so you’re not against the clock, as it can help you decompress.
If that sounds impossible, perhaps have the courage to mention you need to leave on time ahead of a meeting.
Or, if you are running late to work, remind yourself that an extra minute settling your child before you leave them so you’re both happy will probably make the difference to you being totally present in your job.
Rebalance workload
Another way to tackle the mental load of being a working parent is to rebalance the workload at home.
Write a list of all the jobs you need to do as a family and who currently does them, then use it as a basis for a conversation.
Include everything from taking out the bins to who is around for bathtime or dinner, who looks after bills and so on.
My book comes with a workbook that includes tables, checklists and other exercises to help address these issues.
Unpaid leave
Did you know you can take unpaid parental leave? It entitles you to up to 18 weeks off per child, until they are 18.
You have to take it in whole-week blocks and you can only take up to four weeks per year.
- Working Parents-To-Be by Catherine Oliver (£16.99, Practical Inspiration Publishing) is out now.
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